I-witnessed account

This is probably my third anecdotal entry, the two entries on the fireworks festival accounting for the previous ones. Anyways, I was swayed by LL to journey to Clementi central after school on this fateful day (Sept. 14 2006) to take the MRT home. I NEVER take the MRT home if I can help it. (I’ll leave my reasons for another post. I wouldn’t want to bore you here now would I?)

Taking my first steps out of the bus, I found myself face to face with a crowd of people, all looking towards the sky. Naturally, curiosity got the better of me, and I too, turned around, and searched the sky for something fantastic. I had deduced the event’s excitement level from the numerous numbers of people fishing out their camera phones, to apparently snap away at something. I found nothing. It was only after I had walked behind the crowd, was I finally able to spot what had them intrigued – before that I was blocked by the walkway shelter.

A woman stood in what seemed to be her office attire, on the MRT tracks! I was thoroughly amused later when someone informed me that she was indeed a rule-abiding citizen, standing behind the yellow line – just the wrong side of it! Observing the whole scene before me, I could only think of four things:

1. How in the world did she get there?
2. Goodness, she must be totally embarrassed!
3. Some people in the MRT train who are stuck/delayed are not going to be happy.
4. Why doesn’t she (the woman) just walk to the end of the train so someone can help her get out of her sticky situation instead of pacing up and down a 3 meter long stretch?

When I got home, my younger sister started raving to me about how a woman almost got killed at Clementi MRT. As she relayed the story to me (she heard it from her friend who happened to be standing near the couple when the incident occurred), I realized that the woman she was talking about was the exact same Jane Doe I saw at Clementi MRT.

Apparently, her boyfriend (?) pushed her onto the tracks, seemingly aware that the train was approaching, simply because he was unhappy over something that they had been supposedly quarrelling over. The woman had just enough time to scramble out of the way of the train into a safety zone. Needless to say, my sister’s friend was stunned when she saw that happened. Lucky for the woman, she had quick reflexes. I shudder to think what would happen otherwise.

Reflecting on this incident, I just felt grateful. I felt thankful that I know of nobody whom I think could ever to that to me, even under severe stress or emotional strain. For those of you out there who constantly think to yourself how you would want your significant other to improve, or change this or that, aren’t you just glad you know he/she won’t suddenly turn on you? When you quarrel with someone, do you ever think it could escalate to this?

This incident has also made me revisit the fact that people do the stupidest things on the spur of the moment, driven by intense emotions. Kwong (the alleged) has probably just thrown his entire life away, and for what? – For just a second in which he acted impulsively.

People have killed themselves over the lost of a loved one, whether it is by death, or by covet for another person. Does it really make a difference? Threats to “kill myself if you break up with me” are ridiculous. Are you that worthless to yourself? Are you that needy? It isn’t the end of the world if someone breaks up with you. There are over 50 million people on earth and you’re telling me you can’t find another guy/girl who can match up with the one who thinks “it’s not going to work out”? I feel like telling these people to wake up and smell the truth.

People have turned violent on impulse, whether goaded or not. Jail or boy’s/girl’s homes become their new homes for months or years. Life is difficult after that. People have said things to hurt others when emotions run high. Sometimes this hurt is repairable, sometimes it is not. It’s a pity how relationships get ruined over words. It’s a pity how families are broken apart.

Why can’t people just get past words? Why can’t people realize the love others have for them? Why do people realize it’s not the end of the world – that there are many more reasons for one to live on? Why can’t people realize that they are not alone?

Yet it is me who has to wake up and smell reality.

Funny Reactions

Isn’t it funny how humans react to certain things? Something ordinary can sometimes make you think of the oddities in life. Today, for the first time in my life, I spotted an oddity. Or rather, a pattern that was not obvious to me before.

Imagine this scenario: You walk into a doctor’s office because you’re feeling unwell. After a thorough examination, you come back the day after the next and listen grimly as the doctor informs you after a punctuated silence that “you have cancer...” Your ears stop functioning. I imagine you would be shocked at first. Stunned perhaps by the abrupt pause this news has caused to the smooth running of your life. You think to yourself “this can’t be happening!” You may perhaps seek clarification from your doctor by asking him/her to “please repeat yourself, sorry. I didn’t get that.” After confirmation, you sit back and let the news sink in. Accepting the facts, you still feel that everything’s a bit surreal. Reality does kick in sooner or later.

You tell your friends and family. They say “…you’re so unlucky.”

Imagine this scenario: You are walking along the street/corridor during your lunch hour, or if you’d prefer, sitting at your office desk. Your mobile phone rings. You pick it up. “Hello, may I speak to .” Speaking. “Congratulations! You’ve just won a full-expense paid trip to …..” The rest of the conversation whizzes by as you tune out from it and tune in to that little voice in your head that is probably going “Oh my goodness! (I was going to insert a more probable word instead of “goodness” but was a tad worried about religious fanatics condemning me to hell) I won a trip! No way!” You may be a little shocked at first but you recover after a few moments and you repeat, like an obedient parrot, what the person on the other end of the phone has informed you, in your search for clarification. When the reality of the situation sinks in, you still feel that everything’s a bit surreal.

You tell your friends and family. They say “…you’re so lucky!”

Isn’t it funny how we react the same way sometimes when we receive good news and bad news? We tend to go through a phase of shock, followed by denial, however light before we seek clarification and accept the piece of news. Everything feels surreal even when reality sets in.

The second thing that occurred to me is that our brain apparently stops working when we receive good news, in comparison to bad news.

When we receive a piece of bad news, we tend to question the underlying reasons behind the “ill” event. We question why we, or anyone else we know, were so unlucky to get cancer, or get robbed or miss out on an almost guaranteed promotion and so on. We seek explanations for the outcome of the situation. We want to see if we are at fault, or if there was anything we could have done to prevent a re-occurrence, with ourselves, or with others we care about around us. Sometimes we even seek to blame. The more optimistic amongst us would wonder about the good that could come out of the bad. However, we never stop thinking – never stop wondering, or questioning.

When we receive a piece of good news, though, our analytical mind shuts off. We stop questioning. We only see the possibilities unfolding as we hear about our new promotion, or get a new job or learning experience and so on. We do not question if the good news had any bad news attached behind the golden splendor of it all – maybe you got your promotion/job simply because someone else died, and they needed someone to replace him/her, or maybe your opportunity overseas will end up costing more than you can afford to comfortably pay out leaving you in a worse situation than before? Maybe you’re personal relationships will suffer? Maybe the fact that it’s called “good news” distracts the functioning of the brain. One thing is for sure, we stop thinking – stop wondering, or questioning.

Maybe that’s why the phrase “some things are too good to be true” exists. Maybe that’s why people get conned on or are worse off after investing into something seemingly “really good”. We blindly follow the shining star, sometimes, without knowing that it just may lead you off the cliff.

What’s our excuse? I can already hear someone saying “you will only question when bad news hits because it’s bad news and you want to be able to blame it on something or somebody.” The question is, WHY? Self-serving bias you say? After all, if you did lose that job, you wouldn’t want to be associated as the cause would you? How many people here would honestly say: I lost that job because I was incompetent. I lost that job because I wasn’t as hard working as others. I didn’t quit, I got fired indirectly through an ultimatum. I got cancer because I smoked. I got cancer because I socialized with other people who smoked heavily.

True, you didn’t smoke and perhaps it was thus “unlucky” for you to get cancer earlier than your smoking buddies, but you aren’t faultless. You choose to socialize with them. You can’t blame them. They didn’t force you.

If we do have self-serving bias however, then someone please explain my third observation.

The third thing I notice is that people tend to downplay their role in their case of bad or good news. It’s always attributed to this thing we call “luck”. Naturally when bad news occurs, we say it’s “a case of bad luck”. That ties in fine with self-serving bias. However, when a good thing occurs, why don’t we attribute it to ourselves? Why do we not stand proud and say: I deserved it. I worked hard for it. My skills and talent got me where I am today. Then end with a thank you? Instead, sometimes we give excuses to others like: The exam was easy. I was “lucky”. I wasn’t the best, but I guess I there were people worse than me.

To stay humble you say? What is so humbling about attributing our ‘successes’ to someone or something else? Are you saying that we can never be humble if we attribute it to our own capabilities? Where in the world did you get that idea from?

Isn’t it just funny?