Funny Reactions

Isn’t it funny how humans react to certain things? Something ordinary can sometimes make you think of the oddities in life. Today, for the first time in my life, I spotted an oddity. Or rather, a pattern that was not obvious to me before.

Imagine this scenario: You walk into a doctor’s office because you’re feeling unwell. After a thorough examination, you come back the day after the next and listen grimly as the doctor informs you after a punctuated silence that “you have cancer...” Your ears stop functioning. I imagine you would be shocked at first. Stunned perhaps by the abrupt pause this news has caused to the smooth running of your life. You think to yourself “this can’t be happening!” You may perhaps seek clarification from your doctor by asking him/her to “please repeat yourself, sorry. I didn’t get that.” After confirmation, you sit back and let the news sink in. Accepting the facts, you still feel that everything’s a bit surreal. Reality does kick in sooner or later.

You tell your friends and family. They say “…you’re so unlucky.”

Imagine this scenario: You are walking along the street/corridor during your lunch hour, or if you’d prefer, sitting at your office desk. Your mobile phone rings. You pick it up. “Hello, may I speak to .” Speaking. “Congratulations! You’ve just won a full-expense paid trip to …..” The rest of the conversation whizzes by as you tune out from it and tune in to that little voice in your head that is probably going “Oh my goodness! (I was going to insert a more probable word instead of “goodness” but was a tad worried about religious fanatics condemning me to hell) I won a trip! No way!” You may be a little shocked at first but you recover after a few moments and you repeat, like an obedient parrot, what the person on the other end of the phone has informed you, in your search for clarification. When the reality of the situation sinks in, you still feel that everything’s a bit surreal.

You tell your friends and family. They say “…you’re so lucky!”

Isn’t it funny how we react the same way sometimes when we receive good news and bad news? We tend to go through a phase of shock, followed by denial, however light before we seek clarification and accept the piece of news. Everything feels surreal even when reality sets in.

The second thing that occurred to me is that our brain apparently stops working when we receive good news, in comparison to bad news.

When we receive a piece of bad news, we tend to question the underlying reasons behind the “ill” event. We question why we, or anyone else we know, were so unlucky to get cancer, or get robbed or miss out on an almost guaranteed promotion and so on. We seek explanations for the outcome of the situation. We want to see if we are at fault, or if there was anything we could have done to prevent a re-occurrence, with ourselves, or with others we care about around us. Sometimes we even seek to blame. The more optimistic amongst us would wonder about the good that could come out of the bad. However, we never stop thinking – never stop wondering, or questioning.

When we receive a piece of good news, though, our analytical mind shuts off. We stop questioning. We only see the possibilities unfolding as we hear about our new promotion, or get a new job or learning experience and so on. We do not question if the good news had any bad news attached behind the golden splendor of it all – maybe you got your promotion/job simply because someone else died, and they needed someone to replace him/her, or maybe your opportunity overseas will end up costing more than you can afford to comfortably pay out leaving you in a worse situation than before? Maybe you’re personal relationships will suffer? Maybe the fact that it’s called “good news” distracts the functioning of the brain. One thing is for sure, we stop thinking – stop wondering, or questioning.

Maybe that’s why the phrase “some things are too good to be true” exists. Maybe that’s why people get conned on or are worse off after investing into something seemingly “really good”. We blindly follow the shining star, sometimes, without knowing that it just may lead you off the cliff.

What’s our excuse? I can already hear someone saying “you will only question when bad news hits because it’s bad news and you want to be able to blame it on something or somebody.” The question is, WHY? Self-serving bias you say? After all, if you did lose that job, you wouldn’t want to be associated as the cause would you? How many people here would honestly say: I lost that job because I was incompetent. I lost that job because I wasn’t as hard working as others. I didn’t quit, I got fired indirectly through an ultimatum. I got cancer because I smoked. I got cancer because I socialized with other people who smoked heavily.

True, you didn’t smoke and perhaps it was thus “unlucky” for you to get cancer earlier than your smoking buddies, but you aren’t faultless. You choose to socialize with them. You can’t blame them. They didn’t force you.

If we do have self-serving bias however, then someone please explain my third observation.

The third thing I notice is that people tend to downplay their role in their case of bad or good news. It’s always attributed to this thing we call “luck”. Naturally when bad news occurs, we say it’s “a case of bad luck”. That ties in fine with self-serving bias. However, when a good thing occurs, why don’t we attribute it to ourselves? Why do we not stand proud and say: I deserved it. I worked hard for it. My skills and talent got me where I am today. Then end with a thank you? Instead, sometimes we give excuses to others like: The exam was easy. I was “lucky”. I wasn’t the best, but I guess I there were people worse than me.

To stay humble you say? What is so humbling about attributing our ‘successes’ to someone or something else? Are you saying that we can never be humble if we attribute it to our own capabilities? Where in the world did you get that idea from?

Isn’t it just funny?